Happy Mother’s Day (Musings on working motherhood)
I used to feel ambivalent about Mother’s Day.
I’ve always been happy to celebrate my own mom. But when my son was little, Mother’s Day was never really what I wanted it to be.
I keep talking to younger entrepreneurs who are pregnant or who have babies, and I’ve somehow become that annoying older mom who says, “Enjoy every minute!”
Which is total bullshit because I did not enjoy every minute when my son was little.
I wanted him desperately, and love him more than anything. But a few years into motherhood, I realized all I wanted for Mother’s Day was to eat something delicious and be alone. At the time, having a day all to myself was the ultimate luxury.
Of course, now that my kid is 18 and flying the nest soon, all I want for Mother’s Day is to spend time with him. The grass is always greener, right?
Mother’s Day 2021, around when the years started flying by
Long days, short years
This past Halloween, I spent all morning mooning over old photos. It was the first year my son wasn’t planning to be home at all on Halloween and I was feeling nostalgic.
I always loved Halloween and the photos are sweet and adorable. But the reality is that Halloween was also super stressful. Trying to finish work in time to get my kid into his costume and fed before 5pm trick-or-treating was a lot.
Halloween was a heightened example of how hard every day felt.
My husband wasn't around much and the division of labor in our house was far from equal. I was angry about it for a long time, but I’ll own that we never had the hard conversations about expectations before we became parents.
Regardless, after drop-off and pick-up, household tasks, and a full day of work, even putting a frozen pizza in the oven often felt impossible.
At the time, Sheryl Sandberg was telling us all to lean in, but I couldn’t. And honestly, fuck her.
I burned out and took a few years off from my business. I was filled with shame and resentment. I felt like a failure.
Cute, but not-so-helpful officemate in 2008
And then one day, I woke up and it was all in the rearview mirror.
I was divorced. My son was old enough that he didn’t need me in the same way. I’d managed to rebuild my business stronger than ever.
And at almost 49 years old, what’s really wild is how many years of my career still lie ahead of me. Maybe too many?! Ha!
When I was spending long hours playing with trains, I never imagined there’d come a day when I’d be the one chasing him down, begging him to hang out with me.
Now? How about now?
The cliché about “long days and short years” is painfully true.
Investing in ourselves
During my Branding Roadmap (the first step in working with me), I always ask clients: Why now? Why is this the right time to invest in your brand?
Motherhood often comes up as one of the reasons.
Many of my clients are in the thick of it. They’re building something of their own because they need more flexibility and control over their schedules than a corporate job could ever offer — more time for soccer carpool, school pickups, or spontaneous weekday activities.
Other women come to me because their kids are older, when they finally have some breathing room. For the first time in years, they have the time and mental space to put some energy back into themselves and their business.
Either way, the goal is almost always the same: make more while working less. And a clear, strong brand is often the first step in commanding the higher prices that make that goal possible.
Having it all
I don’t believe women can “have it all” at all times. It’s an unrealistic, unhelpful expectation designed to make us feel bad about ourselves.
But I also know — from where I’m sitting now — that life is long.
I still feel grief about what’s past. I can’t help wishing that I had “enjoyed every minute” when my son was little. But I can also see how many chapters still lie ahead.
Maybe we can have it all. Just not all at once.
Goodies Just For You
WHAT I’M THINKING ABOUT: Like every other woman in this country, I just read Belle Burden’s memoir, Strangers. I have many thoughts and can’t stop talking about it. I can’t help wondering if it would be so popular if she weren’t so wealthy. It also feels like a real cautionary tale. I was disturbed by how many women in her community are entirely dependent on their husbands financially. I’m so relieved that’s no longer my story.
WHAT I’M EATING: I’m traveling in NYC this week, so I’m not cooking. But I am eating. Yesterday I got to eat two A+ chocolate chip cookies. The first was a tahini chocolate chip cookie at L’Appartement 4F in Brooklyn Heights. The second was a buckwheat chocolate chip cookie at Frenchette Bakery at the Whitney.
WHO I’M ADMIRING:Bobbi Rebell Kaufman is a true multi-hyphenate — a Brand Spokesperson, financial wellness expert, Certified Financial Planner, and published author. I just purchased her book and can’t wait to dive in: Launching Financial Grownups: Live Your Richest Life by Helping Your (Almost) Adult Kids Become Everyday Money Smart. I just got to hang out with her for a bit IRL in NYC, which was such a treat. Check her out here.
