“Do you know how much more successful I would be if I had a wife?!”
This is one of my favorite lines from Ali Wong's Don Wong special. I think about it regularly.
Don’t we all want a wife?!
I mean, it’s well documented that heterosexual marriage is a pretty good deal for men. Sociologists even have a name for it — the “Marriage Benefit Imbalance.”
Like Ali Wong, I've often joked that I wish I had a wife. Not because I want to get remarried. That’s not what I’m talking about.
Maybe it’s more that I want a free personal assistant? Hmmm…
Anyway, since I don't have a wife, AND I'm more focused on profit than revenue, I've had to figure out how to run my business entirely on my own.
Not that kind of boss
When my son was little and I was truly drowning in my business, I tried hiring contract designers.
I went through more than half a dozen. Finding someone whose work I loved, whose rates made sense for my business, and who could reliably meet a deadline was harder than I expected.
I also discovered that I REALLY don’t like managing people. It never felt profitable or worth the headache. If taking on more work and bigger clients meant hiring a team, I decided I didn’t want it.
So for a few years, I stepped away from my business entirely.
Retainers? No, thank you.
When I came back, in preparation for my divorce, I rebuilt with retainers. The regular income was especially welcome during the pandemic.
But I realized that, for me, retainers provided a false sense of security and freedom.
I learned how vulnerable my business was when most of my income depended on one client (would not suggest doing this!). And ongoing work made it hard to take a real vacation. Even when I wasn’t at my desk, I felt like I should be.
And then, when my last long-term retainer ended, I was left flat-footed, with a shriveled network and no safety net.
Real freedom
Switching to time-constrained, project-based work has made the biggest difference in running a successful solo business.
All of my projects have clear start and end dates. That means I can schedule work around my life, not the other way around. I take real vacations. I step away from my desk. Nothing falls apart.
I stopped doing free proposals.
Instead, I have a paid discovery session called the Branding Roadmap. It does the heavy lifting of scoping a project, but it's so much more valuable than a proposal (which is really just free work that may never turn into anything). It builds trust, provides real strategic clarity for my clients, and gives me everything I need to deliver a stellar custom brand.
I lean hard on technology. Dubsado, connected to QuickBooks, is basically my VA. It tracks leads, manages projects, and handles contracts and invoices. Together, those tools take a lot of the manual b.s. off my plate.
And I have templates for the emails I send repeatedly: onboarding, client wrap-ups, testimonial requests, networking, referral outreach. Some live in Dubsado; the rest are saved signatures in Apple Mail. This is a huge timesaver!
So yeah — I’ve (mostly) come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably never have the kind of wife I want. But I’ve built a business with the support and breathing room I used to wish someone else could give me.
Solo doesn't have to mean stretched thin or burned out. With the right systems in place, being solo can just be about freedom. And we like freedom.
Goodies Just For You
WHAT I’M THINKING ABOUT: Nikole Hannah-Jones has an incredible piece in the New York Times Magazine questioning her decision to send her daughter to a predominantly Black neighborhood school. It’s a follow-up to her equally powerful piece from a decade ago about her original decision. My son and I both attended urban public high schools and I have a lot of conflicted feelings on the subject, so her reflections really hit home. I was already moved, and then I listened to her and her daughter talking it out on This American Life. So many hard truths about the lack of equity in our public school system. But also about how painful it can be when your kid asserts their independence and individuality (“What—you’re not just an extension of me and my beliefs and my values?!”). Oof, it’s rough. But so worth it. You should check out both.
WHAT I’M MAKING: Crispy Rice Salmon Sushi Bowl. I’m sharing this one again because I’ve made it so many times in the last few weeks. A few notes — roughly chop the veggies. Don’t worry about slicing them thinly. I realized that in the Instagram video where I first saw it, she puts sriracha in the dressing, but it’s not in the recipe. Definitely include a few squirts for some welcome heat. Lastly, a friend mused about using canned salmon. I tried it and I wouldn’t recommend it. It came out a little dry and not as flavorful. Frozen wild salmon from Whole Foods isn’t crazy expensive, though.
WHO I’M ADMIRING: Thinking about starting a community? Or trying to grow one you already have? Then you need to know my friend Bri Leever. She’s the best of the best. As a seasoned community strategist, she helps you figure out what your members actually want and how to build a thriving, sustainable community that supports your business. And she can help with all the moving parts, from choosing and setting up a platform to onboarding members and planning your launch. She really does it all. Check her out!
