Permission to Speak
People who’ve met me more recently might be surprised to learn that I was painfully shy as a kid.
Like really, really shy — the kind of kid other kids asked, “Why don’t you talk?”
Once or twice I remember saying, “Because I have nothing to say.”
At the time, I thought it sounded clever. It wasn’t. It also wasn’t true. And I hate that I ever said it.
By middle school, I decided to work on it. I spent years, through my teens and twenties, consciously trying to overcome my shyness.
Early self-employment is probably partly a result of my shyness. There was nothing I hated more than the seemingly mandatory workplace chit-chat.
Somewhere along the way, I fully outgrew the label “shy.” I still have shy moments, but I no longer identify that way. Speaking too fast and sometimes mumbling are the last souvenirs of that old identity. I’m learning to give myself grace for those lingering habits.
Permission to Speak
Last week I attended a virtual REIGN workshop with guest speaker SamaraBay — bestselling author of Permission to Speak, sought-after leadership and speaking consultant, and one of the most joyful truth-tellers I know.
At the start of the workshop, we were asked two questions:
→ Where do you use your voice?
→ Who or what gave you permission to speak?
Photo from the event where I first met Samara and got her fantastic book, which I recommend!
I first met Samara a couple years ago at an in-person REIGN salon hosted by my friend Rhiannon. As around 25 women gathered in a circle, we were asked those same questions for the first time.
I don’t remember how I answered, but I do remember feeling unprepared. They were questions I hadn’t really considered before.
After everyone had shared, Samara noted that we each started strong, but then our voices softened and grew less sure as we went on. She didn’t point it out as a criticism. Just something to notice.
I still often think about that moment when I’m speaking, even casually. It reminds me how much insecurity I still carry about how and where I use my voice.
Using our voices can be hard.
In my work, I’ve noticed that many women are waiting for permission to take up space and fully step into the authority of what they do.
I’ll talk to women with twenty years of experience — absolute powerhouses in their fields — but something still holds them back from fully owning their expertise.
They’ve been conditioned to downplay their accomplishments. Maybe they spent years in corporate, making the shift from “we” to “I” uncomfortable. Or maybe they’ve simply never given themselves permission to be seen as the authority they already are.
I recognize this in myself too. That quiet conditioning around not sounding too proud, too loud, too “overly” confident.
Sometimes we need external permission to own our expertise and use our voices fully.
A strong brand can be that permission slip.
When your brand clearly reflects your authority, and when the messaging matches the depth of your experience, it becomes easier to speak confidently about your work. The brand holds the truth of who you are, even on days when you're doubting yourself.
Helping women claim that permission and step fully into their authority has become one of my favorite parts of what I do.
So. Much. Permission.
Earlier this year, I had the joy of designing Samara Bay’s new website: permissioninc.co.
When Samara came to me, she already had a cool brand and website built around her bestselling book and her work as a Hollywood dialect coach. But she had evolved into an in-demand leadership and speaking consultant, showing up in the most prestigious rooms, and she needed a new brand to reflect that bigger stage.
Samara got that our brands are one important way that we use our voices — visually, verbally, and energetically.
When the brand feels aligned, it becomes so much easier to stand tall in your expertise and speak with confidence.
What about my voice now?
Last week, when those questions came around again, I shared that these days I use my voice mostly on LinkedIn and here, in this newsletter.
A few years ago, I would’ve said I didn’t want to clutter people’s feeds and inboxes with more noise. That I had nothing new or original to share.
Now I know better.
My business coach Pia Silva was one of the first people who gave me permission to speak in this way. Her encouragement helped me find my voice online and realize that, yes, people do want to hear what I have to say.
So what about you?
Where are you using your voice right now?
Goodies Just For You
WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT: I recently read Here One Moment by Liane Moriarty (of Big Little Lies and Nine Perfect Strangers fame). I hesitate to recommend that one, even though I did sort of enjoy it, because the premise is a little overdone—what would you do with your life if you knew when and how you were going to die. But it reminded me of the book that first introduced me to the author, What Alice Forgot. Again, the premise has been done before—what would it be like if you forgot the last 10 years of your marriage, but your husband didn't—but I think it's executed deftly and poignantly. It's a book I regularly recommend.
WHAT I'M ASPIRING TO MAKE: I've had a version of Baked Apple Roses pinned in a “Holiday Treats” Pinterest board for so long that the original recipe is no longer available. Every year around the holidays, I look at this recipe and consider making it and then decide it's too intimidating. Maybe this year will be the year. If you make it, please do let me know! I found this new recipe that doesn't look too challenging and has a ton of 5-star reviews.
WHO I'M ADMIRING: Ericka McConnell is my neighbor and a really talented editorial and fashion photographer. I friggin’ love following her on Instagram and she really makes me miss working in fashion.
