The Art of Letting Go (And other Mother’s Day Musings)
I used to feel ambivalent about Mother’s Day. I’ve always been happy to celebrate my own mom. But when my son was little, Mother’s Day was never really what I wanted it to be.
Am I allowed to say this?
It was just one more exhausting day, but with forced gratitude.
A few years into motherhood, I realized all I wanted for Mother’s Day was to eat something delicious and be alone. Once I voiced this need to my then-husband, Mother’s Day turned around for me. In the early years of motherhood, having a day all to myself was the ultimate luxury.
Of course now that my son is a teenager and super independent, all I want to do is hang out with him (Have you seen the Tina Fey bit about how having a teenager is like having a crush on the coolest kid in class?). I’m definitely forcing him to hang out with me Sunday. Lucky for me, I don't think he minds.
Mom-ing is hard! And awesome!
But like with Mother’s Day, I do also have complicated feelings about motherhood.
I love my son utterly and completely, but mom-ing is really fucking hard.
It can also be exhilarating, overwhelming and sometimes sublime. It's a gift that I try not to take for granted, although I often do.
My son turns 18 this fall, and I find myself in strange new territory. He's planning to finish high school early and he’s skipping the traditional college path I followed. This time next year, I have no idea where he'll be. I’m having a hard time with that uncertainty.
Also, when I became a mom, no one handed me a manual for this part—the letting go part.
My own parents gave me the freedom to make my own choices. Looking back, I'm sure that was easier because I followed the expected path and didn't really question it. I ticked all the boxes they hoped I would. Not that they don't get some cool parent points for letting me be me.
Why are there so many lessons?!
Now I'm learning what it truly means to let your child become their own person:
→ Biting my tongue when I want to push my agenda
→ Trusting that I've given him the tools to make good decisions
→ Accepting that his path doesn't need to mirror mine to be successful
→ Letting my fears about his future remain my own, not burdens for him to carry
The hardest lesson (that I still need to tell myself daily, which maybe means I have yet to learn it. Hey—I'm trying): my job isn't to shape him into who I think he should be, but to support who he's meant to become.
A couple years ago, I came across the phrase "detaching with love" and it's been living rent-free in my head ever since. So much of parenting is exactly this—a gradual process of detaching with love. Letting go while staying connected. Creating space while remaining present. It's beautiful and terrifying all at once.
To all the moms doing the beautiful, messy work of raising humans who will forge their own paths—I see you, and you're doing great.
Goodies Just For You
WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT: Maggie Smith's (not that one) memoir, You Could Make This Place Beautiful. On the surface, it’s a memoir about divorce. But more than that, it’s about a woman disappearing and making herself small and recognizing her complicity in her marriage's fucked up gender roles (all very familiar territory for me). But ultimately, it’s about a strong woman waking up and coming home to herself. I highlighted too many sections to count. And she's a poet, so it’s just beautiful. I really loved it.
WHAT I'M BAKING: In my first newsletter, I shared a recipe for a single serve chocolate chip cookie. That one is good for emergencies (and we all have cookie emergencies), but when I want a really perfect chocolate chip cookie with flaky sea salt, I reach for Smitten Kitchen's Salted Chocolate Chunk Cookies.
WHO I'M ADMIRING: Luisa Alberto is a champion of women, a builder of communities (she co-founded a wonderful collective called Kindredly), and she's the founder of People First Finance—a woman-led team of financial pros. PFF doesn’t just clean up your books—they help you truly understand what’s going on in your business, so you can make confident, informed decisions. She makes overwhelming financial stuff feel simple and manageable. And she's just a lovely, magnetic human.
