Forget resolutions. Try this instead.
Happy New Year!
Are you full of optimistic resolutions? A word of the year?
I have something else I prefer…
In the middle of 2020, I was fresh off my divorce and hot to trot with a big financial goal.
I started working with the brilliant business coach Ariana Wolf, who gently told me to slow my roll a bit. While she understood the value of setting specific financial targets, she encouraged me to first think about how I wanted my life to feel.
It was part of a workbook I was supposed to complete before our first meeting, but the idea felt so foreign to me, I couldn’t do it on my own.
Why is it easier to think about what you want to have or do than how you want to feel?
Rethinking how I set goals
We ended up talking it through in person. It was high-COVID times. I remember sitting in my backyard with her, markers in hand, a giant pad of paper between us.
She asked me to cast into the future and talk through, really concretely, what my ideal future life looked like. What was I doing? Who was I spending time with? Where was I living? What was I most enjoying?
Alone in my house, wearing bonkers bright lipstick, during quarantine.
Talking aloud, she helped me paint a picture of my future life that was honestly a little hard to imagine from where I stood, in quarantine, just picking up the pieces from my divorce. But it was also exhilarating.
Once I had a clear picture, she asked me to describe how I felt in that life. And then to distill that feeling into three adjectives.
Three guiding words
I came out of that session with three adjective goals that haven't changed since I first set them 5+ years ago: free, independent, secure.
Those three words completely changed how I make decisions and how I think about success.
I didn’t feel a single one when I first named them. But in the years since, there have been moments when I’ve felt all three. Sometimes just one or two. But they’ve been my north star—personally and professionally—since that day in my backyard.
People sometimes ask why I don’t do retainers or ongoing client work anymore. It comes back to two of my adjective goals. Any sense of “security” those models promise doesn’t outweigh the hit to freedom and independence.
A new word for a new season
Every year I check in with those three adjective goals and make sure they still feel relevant. Last year, because 2024 felt too hectic and grind-y, I added a fourth:
s p a c i o u s.
And ooh—has that one been helpful.
For example, I had been doing design sprints over 2 days, but midway through 2025, I realized it would feel much more "spacious" to do them over 3 days. So now I do.
And every time I'm invited to something, I ask myself whether it will affect my sense of spaciousness. If I'm not super excited about it and it will make me feel at all overwhelmed, it's a big no.
Practicing spaciousness on a trip with college girlfriends last year.
A few weeks ago, while explaining adjective goals to my son, I realized that right in that moment, I felt like I was there—I was feeling all four of my adjective goals. And that feeling has persisted, at least for now.
But if one or two fall off, no biggie. I know how to find my way back to here.
So how do you want to feel?
My favorite thing about adjective goals is there’s no single path to achieving them. The route you take can change depending on where you are in your life and your current priorities.
Financial goals are important. You need to know where you want to go.
But without adjective goals, you may get stuck in a cycle of endless striving. If you’re purely chasing numbers, you may lose track of WHY you’re striving or what you’re striving for.
So instead of asking what you want to accomplish in 2026, I’ll ask this:
✨ How do you want to feel? ✨
This year, I’m holding onto all four of mine: free, independent, secure, and spacious. If you want to share yours, I'd love to hear them.
Goodies Just For You
WHAT I’M THINKING ABOUT: A couple months ago, I watched the Netflix documentary The Perfect Neighbor. It’s a tragic story compiled almost entirely from police body cam footage. It’s an uncomfortable watch as “entertainment,” but I thought it was thoughtfully done and worth seeing. I later learned that the victim’s mother felt strongly about sharing the story, drawing parallels to Emmett Till’s mother choosing to show her son’s brutalized body. I also really appreciated Wesley Morris's discussion of the film on his podcast Cannonball.
WHAT I’M MAKING: For Christmas dinner, I made Alison Roman's Caramelized Onion Tart—this time without anchovies, though I’ve made it both ways and can vouch for both. Her Pie Crust Recipe makes two crusts, so a few days later I used the second for her Apple Cinnamon Galette. Cutting the apples the way she recommends felt counterintuitive, but it worked beautifully. (One note: the video says to bake it for 35 minutes, but the written recipe says 60. Go with the written version.)
WHO I’M ADMIRING: It feels fitting to shout out Ariana Wolf here, since she’s the one who introduced me to adjective goals in the first place. Ariana is a coach, mentor, visual strategist, and a founding partner of Flight Design Co, a Bay Area design studio. She’s also a talented artist and poet with a beautiful website showcasing her work. Lastly, check out this wonderful article Ariana wrote last year about Adjective Goals on LinkedIn.
