The Surprising Gifts Hidden in Failure & Fear
Sometime last year, I found a list of fears I’d written before my divorce. It was tucked away in a drawer, and I'd completely forgotten about it.
It was a long list and included stuff like:
I’m afraid of getting divorced.
I’m afraid of not getting divorced.
I’m afraid I’m gonna fuck up my son.
I’m afraid I’ll never make enough money to support myself.
You know, little stuff.
So. Many. Fears.
When I wrote that list six years ago, I was thinking about getting divorced AND trying to figure out what it would take to revive my business.
My business had taken a backseat to my husband’s career. The year before I got divorced, I made a whopping $2,000, which made the prospect of divorce TERRIFYING.
That same year, I went on a girls’ trip to Austin. We visited a tarot card reader and I told her I was considering divorce. I don’t remember much about the reading, but at the end, she handed me a handwritten card that read:
“Expand. Life is too short to play small.”
I still have that card taped to my wall. It marked the start of something big.
Failure can be a gift.
Several years later, finding that list of fears—written from such a different place in my life—was really emotional.
I realized a lot of the stuff I feared had actually happened. And because I got divorced right before quarantine, some even worse things happened too.
But you know what? The sky didn’t fall.
I got through it, one messy step at a time, and ended up with a life and business that really feel like mine.
(And bonus—my son says I haven’t fucked him up.)
Looking back, I can see how much fear used to influence my decisions.
I missed out on a lot of experiences and opportunities simply because I was too scared to take risks or try new things, both in life and in business.
I said no to opportunities, avoided risk, and stayed small because it felt safe.
Not anymore.
Once you live through the thing you’re most afraid of, survive such a huge failure, and come out stronger, you realize how much fear costs you. And how much opportunity is hiding in those risks.
Expanding my ass off.
Two years ago, I made two big changes in my business that terrified me. Both made it more profitable.
First, I decided to work exclusively with women who run service-based businesses.
I worried that niching so hard would be limiting. But in fact, it’s opened up more opportunities.
→ By working only with women-owned service businesses:
I get to work with clients I truly connect with
Referrals come in consistently because my messaging is focused and people want to work with an expert
I’ve gotten really good at understanding what these women and businesses need
Second, I changed HOW I work with clients.
→ The women I work with are busy. They don’t have time for drawn-out timelines or complicated approvals. So I came up with something new:
Everything starts with a single 90-minute interview
I create a clear and strategic plan based on that conversation
I deliver a full brand and website—including all the copy—in just a few days
Why this works:
Projects stay focused on what really matters
My clients don’t have to manage a complex process
They get a gorgeous brand and website, without it taking over their life
After two years of running Brand Build sprints exclusively for women, I can say with confidence:
→ Specializing doesn’t hold you back. It helps you do your best work.
→ And yes — it’s absolutely possible to deliver high-caliber work in a short amount of time, when your process is dialed in.
The big invaluable lesson of the last few years:
I can do hard things and there’s usually a big reward on the other side.
And those scary moments? That’s where the good stuff happens.
Goodies Just For You
WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT: This is old news now, but I'm still thinking about the Martha Stewart doc on Netflix. I had somehow let Martha Stewart pass me by. Obviously I knew who she was, but I hadn’t ever consumed any Martha content. I just thought she wasn’t for me. I thought she was too domestic and maybe even a little silly. I was so wrong. I was incredibly moved by the documentary—how she didn't really start building her empire until middle age, her commitment to excellence, and I identified deeply with her perfectionism. I actually think I might need to watch it again.
WHAT I'M MAKING: This Creamy Chicken Curry is delicious and could not be easier to prepare. I think my aunt shared this recipe with me years ago and I'd forgotten about it, but it's a good one. Bringing it back into my rotation.
WHO I'M ADMIRING: Leila Nichols is a prop stylist and a dear friend. We've been friends since our kids were wee ones. But oh man, is this lady talented. Check out her websiteand her Instagram. She's done some really swoon-worthy interiors and her food styling is gorgeous.
