We Can’t All Lean In: The Joys(?) of Working Motherhood
For the first few years of my son’s life, he had no idea that when I walked out the back door to “go to work,” I was right there, in the garage in my backyard.
We shared a nanny with a friend. When the boys were at our house, I avoided going inside. If my son saw me, he’d want me to stay. I even peed in the backyard a couple of times to avoid being discovered.
Now that he’s turning 18 in a few weeks, I love it when he comes out to my office to ask a question or chat.
As my kid and I prepare for him to leave the nest, I’ve been thinking a lot about working motherhood. And resentment.
The Joys of Motherhood
I keep talking to younger entrepreneurs who are pregnant or who have babies. At some point, I became that annoying older mom who says, “Enjoy every minute!”
Which is total bullshit because I did NOT enjoy every minute when my son was little.
I spent years resenting motherhood. I didn’t have much of a partner, and everything felt so hard. After drop-off and pick-up, household tasks, and a full day of work, even putting a frozen pizza in the oven felt impossible.
Sheryl Sandberg was telling us all to lean in, but I couldn’t. And honestly, fuck her.
I burned out and took a few years off from my business. I was filled with rage and resentment. And shame. I felt like a failure.
And then one day, I woke up and it was all in the rearview mirror.
I was divorced. My son was old enough that he didn’t need me in the same way. And I’d managed to rebuild my business stronger than ever.
Long days, short years
When I was spending long, boring hours playing trains, I never imagined there’d come a day when I’d be the one chasing him down, begging him to hang out with me.
Now? How about now?
The cliché about “long days and short years” is painfully true.
When I'm doing a Branding Roadmap with a new client, I always ask why now is the right time to work on their brand (as opposed to six months ago or six months from now).
Motherhood, in one form or another, is often the reason.
Many of my clients are building something new because they want more flexibility and control over their schedules than a corporate job could ever provide.
Other women come to me because their kids are older and they finally have the time and mental space to double down on their business.
I get it because I’m in the same boat. Like them, I've been investing hard in my business the last few years, as my son needs me less. But I also want to be available for those infrequent times when he wants to hang out.
I took those years off, but I still have so many years of my career ahead of me. Maybe too many?! Ha!
Time, man. It just keeps on time-ing.
What about you? Are you enjoying every single minute??!! How has motherhood shaped or influenced your career choices?
Goodies Just For You
WHAT I’M THINKING ABOUT: Are You Ok? is a sweet, funny friend rom com by Tig Notaro and her wife, Stephanie Allynne (Together Together is another good platonic friend rom com). It stars Dakota Johnson, who had a rocky start to her career with 50 Shades, in my opinion. But I've become a super fan over the years. Her hair and skin are perfect. And she's really funny!
WHAT I’M MAKING: I'm sorry to anyone who doesn't have the NY Times cooking app. But you should really get it. I've made Garlicky Chicken With Lemon-Anchovy Sauce 3 times in less than 2 weeks. I used chicken breasts instead of thighs. To keep them moist, I rub them with a little mayonnaise after seasoning with salt and pepper (I learned this trick from the NY Times lime ginger chicken). And because I was worried about them drying out, I cooked them entirely on the stove top and didn't put them in the oven. As with all my favorite recipes, it's quick AND delicious!
WHO I’M ADMIRING: My friend Moni Kupczak Ainslie is a leading expert in optimizing Faire shops for maximum growth. Faire is an online wholesale marketplace where independent brands and retailers connect to buy and sell products. Moni and I have been in two coaching programs together, so I know she's also a lovely human and a deeply supportive friend. But if you know anyone who needs help with their Faire store, Moni is truly THE Faire expert. Check her out!
